she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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