then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
