TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
