Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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