I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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