why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
