My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
