Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
