What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
