Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
