If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
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Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
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Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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