I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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