Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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