i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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