Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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