Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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