Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
