I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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