I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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