this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
