so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
