I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
