Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
