hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
