I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We left the knife in your bed.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
