im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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