he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
