That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
