I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
