yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
So. Much. Porn.
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