he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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