evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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