dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
