Banned from zoo.
Again?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
