I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
