I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize