Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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