yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
