so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
