those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
