didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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