Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
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we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
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No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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