i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
