Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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