Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
