Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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