I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
