I CAN MOONWALK!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
