im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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