Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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