There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
