started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
