the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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