Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
