WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
