It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
