Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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