never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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