Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
