"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
