that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
