brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
