and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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