after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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