she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
