like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
