I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
