I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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