he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
