I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
