my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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