My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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