Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
