Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
