Sponge bath it is.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
