Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
