Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
