Capitaan dildo arrescate!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
