I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
