lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
