He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
