Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
