im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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