so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
