Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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