...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
